..:: Kellog ::..


Thursday, October 31, 2002

It's all about humour...tee hee.

My Laugh-my-ass-off moment of the day yesterday:

In my Simpsons decal class, they were talking about politics, and like any typical Berkeley class, they hate Bush. And some dude was talking about a clip he saw of Prez Bush giving a speech. I found a Daily Show clip of it online. It disturbingly cracks me up to see the most powerful man in the world say: "There's an old saying...fool me once, shame on...(*pauses to think*)...shame on me, ifulwahd (*stuttering*)...can't get fooled again.'" I love the Daily Show. Jon Stewart is sexy as hell. Something about sardonic wit in a man.

Which reminds me of an article I read yesterday in this week's Economist:

"THAT Britain lags behind America in trivia such as productivity, innovation, entrepreneurship and higher education worries few people. That the national sense of humour is supposedly hugely more sophisticated, by contrast, is a source of great pride...The punchline, though, is that the heyday of British comedy is long gone. There are no British shows to match the popularity and sales of American series such as “The Simpsons” and “Seinfeld”. Those patronising witticisms about America are tinged with envy."

That whole crass American pop culture that the world dislikes...my commonwealth-educated side baulks at it sometimes. I crack up at Jackass and Anna Nicole Smith, but not without some embarrassment in my enjoyment. But then, the age-old argument about pop culture having a value in itself ("Shakespeare was a mass pop culture fav of his time" blah blah blah) is reinforced with really (sometimes) clever satires like The Daily Show and The Simpsons. And I am proud to say that Singapore has its own gem, The Talking Cock website. But then again...it's New York based still.

I love the end of my midterms. All the stress and holing and moleing in the library all day and night jolts me into wanting to spend my free time more productively. Last weekend was Baseball-filled. When the Giants lost their 5-1 lead in the 7th inning (was it?), I knew that they were gonna lose in Game 7. Was pretty depressing being in a NorCal sports bar full of Giants supporters when they lost. I'll get into the 'significance of sports in society' discourse some other time. Or just read Nick Hornby's brilllllliant 'Fever Pitch'. Helps that Jeff is a big Giants hater. He was the only one cheering after the game. We were like "shiiiit...he's so gonna get his ass kicked by Giants fans tonight!" Well, there was another Angels supporter, armed with his Angels T-shirt and a rally Monkey slung round his neck. I bet he got tons of "Can I spank your monkey" lines that night.

Back to the topic of humour: I've recently got back into Woody Allen films again. 'Husbands and Wives' and 'Hannah and her sisters' was on tv on Monday, so I watched those. "Hannah and her sisters" now ranks as one of my WA favs (alongside with 'Crimes and Misdemeanors' and 'Manhattan'). Of the many things I love about Woody Allen films, one of which that struck me this time (and every time you watch a WA film, the experience changes even with the same film) was the way he satires the 'intellectual' community...those people who sit around cafes and discuss about art, culture, the meaning of life. And the ironic thing is that his films particularly attract that kind of crowd. And if you find yourself enjoying the satire, yet in enjoying it, you are self-reflecting at the same time, which inherently puts you as one of those being satired. Does that make sense? I love the 'denseness' of his films too...by which I mean you get alot out of a compressed period of time. It's like The Economist. It's so dense with knowledge. Articles are so concise, lovely writing, point by point you gain so much from just spending the hour reading it from cover to cover. Not full of bulky wish-wash and snazzy images like Time, which has perhaps 10% of information (which arguably, is good most of the time) that the Economist packs in the same number of pages. Woody Allen films are packed like that; they are so complex. In any single film, it can have silly physical comedy, witty satire, discourse on what it means to be human, complex characters that become more complex the 2nd or 3rd time you watch the movie, the romantic vs practicality, self-reflection, self-parody, self-depracation (and therefore, self-love...narcissism)...all in one 90 minute package. That's what I mean by time well spent, maximizing your utility, stretching your dollar, density of information. (I just realized there's quite an irony here in my rambly long-winded writing.)

Oh and before I forget, I wrote down this quote at the end of 'Stardust Memories' which I watched in the library yesterday. It touched me somehow. The Allen character Sandy Bates is recalling one true moment of happiness in his life. He is looking at the great love of his life (with whom the relationship is fucked up because she was this neurotic bulimic schizo druggie) read the newspaper in a lazy Sunday afternoon, and she's reading and glances up at him for a split second and goes back to reading. And the voice over: "It's funny...that simple little moment of contact moved me in a very very profound way." And that 10 second scene just floored me. Seems to me that the truly brilliant moments in my life have been exactly those glorious 10-second moments: a look, a line, a tear, a touch, a sound, a smile...I cannot be more grateful for those memories. But...how do I put my point across...at the same time, is it not sad to realize that genuine and raw passion and happiness can only exist in that spurt of a moment? It just can never be sustainable just because of it's impractical nature. No such thing as perfection...but perfection can occur for that spilt second, where every emotion, every circumstance fits. And then of course, every emotion and every circumstance will change all the time. And then the perfection evaporates. And then you are left with an ah-well sigh, saying: "It was a delightful visit;--perfect, in being much too short". (Jane Austen, 'Emma') It's tough having to accept that fact of short-termism every time you feel that rush of joy. But, the optimist in me smiles at the fact that there will be many many many more 10-seconds in my life. Cheers! =)

kellykelly, 10/31/2002 12:42:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Thursday, October 24, 2002

The feeling of time is so relative--The 3 hours of 1030am-130pm, when I woke up to before I left the house, where I did some laundry, ate breakfast, showered, felt longer than the 9 hours of 130-1030pm that I spent studying Game Theory at Barnes&Nobles.

Why oh why oh why oh why did I take Game Theory? I'm so screwed for the midterm tomorrow. I'm just gonna sleep now cos I'm fucked either way.

It's funny how both Jeff and Jimmie guessed right away what I was having for supper (oatmeal) when I was talking to them on the phone respectively. They are knowing me too well...or I'm just getting too predictable (but oatmeal is mmm-mmm goooood...a dash of salt, some sugar and maple syrup...ahh...yummy in the tummy, delicious yet nutritious.). In game theory, we learn that each player has to mix it up a little bit to play the game more optimally sometimes. hmm..true, perhaps. As much as I hate this course right now, it's pretty interesting. Abstract, but interesting how some people have such a weird way of conceptualizing concepts.
I bet half of these thinkers who came up with these theories were high on something when they thought this weird shit up...
kellykelly, 10/24/2002 04:07:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

That fall was such a climax of a chain of events. Like learning abt history. causes and consequences. So lemme see, what did I do over the weekend?

Thurday night, crashed over at Ilyas', stayed up watching Belle Epoque, the bizarre but highly entertaining Spanish movie with Hans and Ilyas. I think Hans got completely weirded out in the scene after the costume party, when the lesbian sister dressed as a soldier (complete with fake moustache) got freaky with Fernando (dressed as a female French chamber maid) in a tree-house, climaxing in hers while she blows his bugle (NOT metaphorically...an actual hootin' tootin' bugle).

Friday, didn't sleep too soundly so woke up early to go to school to turn in the Sun Yat-sen essay (with crossed fingers of course...never forget the crossed fingers).

Went right home to sleep for a couple of hours or so. Dilly-dallied the afternoon and evening away till night, where having no other mates eager to go to the city, we crashed over again and watched Batman (the original). Jack Nicholson is such a riot. His Joker was deliciously evil. Doncha just love those Richard III-type baddies, where they just diabolically relish their evil.

But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass;
I, that am rudely stamped, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph;
I, that am curtailed of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time
Into this breathing world scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them -
Why I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to spy my shadow in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity.
And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a villain
And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
[Richard III, Act I, i]

Didn't do much Saturday afternoon. Chilled around. But of course, weekday afternoons exist as pre-parties of weekend nights. Went to this place called Rouge in the city...one of the most over-the-top clubs I've been to. There was some party of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend there...and hey, I'm always up for a hook-up at a club, especially when you don't have to (a) wait in line and (b) pay. So we got ourselves into the club and hellooooo eye-candy! But it kinda required alcohol-tinged glasses to actually enjoy the utter superficiality of that place. Ok, so clubs are always about superficiality, eye-candy, instant gratification, glancing-to-see-who's-glancing-back. But this one is poseurville up a notch. If you wanna slam it, you can call it a glammed frat party with overgrown (overaged) ex-cheerleaders, ex-BMOCs (Big Men On Campus), sorority girls, frat boys. But after 3 drinks...who cares? It was Red, the Chandeliers were up, the music was (surprisingly) rockin'...party on.

Sunday was sleeping in as usual, plus -some- attempt to study for Game Theory. But I ended up watching the baseball Game at Scores instead. This time, we went early to grab a table for dinner and Game 2 of the world series. It was a wild game...11-10 (Angels over the Giants). But to my more 'knowledgeable' American baseball fanatic friend, that was the worst world series game he's seen, just cos the pitchers were so bad as to allow that many hits and homeruns. Which makes sense. I didn't argue. Don't argue baseball with an All-American who watches ESPN all weekend, listens to ESPN radio all day...I was kinda in my moody mood that night, so I didn't enjoy the game as much. Maybe the novelty is wearing off.

Uneventful Monday Night was spent dyeing my hair. It was getting faded and hay-y. So I got myself the new Loreal Open (I love all these marketing gimmicks. It's prolly the same corrosive chemicals...but I fall for novelties, in more ways than one...) in Aurora shade. When I rinsed it off in the shower, I felt like I was in Psycho the movie, cos red dye was splashed bloodily all over the walls. Maybe it was all those chemicals seeping through my head last night or the fumes I inhaled that was a cause of my fall today too...I digress. The dye turned out ok. This Open is pretty good. It DOES make my hair feel alot softer (esp compared to other dyes I've used), so thumbs up for the product. But I don't really like the color I chose though...it turned out more red than brown (I guess "red medium brown means red"), and I was starting to like having brownish hair and wearing earthy colors. But I guess it's fall, gone are the bikiniwearingsunbathing days, hello paleface. So the darker reddier color is better I guess...back to the ol' winter colors of blues and blacks. After all, according to the Loreal box, I'm "earthy and adventures. Now it's time to get a little edgy...with this reddish medium brown. Behold it--then become it." I guess I've beheld and became.

(I'm writing so much just cos I'm sitting here in the library with my jeans rolled up waiting for the blood to clot which is an excuse for procrastinating my studying for Game Theory. My absence the last weeks...ok month or so...in the 8am lectures will have its retribution. But I'm hoping that intense studying these 2 days will up my karma. I made up for some of that bad karma with that stupid fall I'm sure...

OH! and Yay! Jane called me this afternoon from France!!=) We were saying how much we missed each other! I really really miss her presence...just that li'll chat each night before we went to sleep...I took it for granted. You don't know what u got till it's gone. She's doing great, having tons of enviable new experiences...and I've decided to join her in Europe over winter break for a lovely decadent Europe tour....=))) Now I'll hafta start hunting for cheap air tickets....=)
kellykelly, 10/23/2002 06:08:00 am | link | 0 comments |
3 hours of sleep the night before + 8am class + groggy wearing of nerdy specs cos contact lenses are giving me stupid problems again + A big-ass backpack + A heavy laptop (which together with big-ass backpack probably weighs as much as I do) slung around your neck in the front + high-heel boots (which together with heavy laptop negates the balancing effect and shifts your center of gravity forward) + walking down uneven concrete stairs of Hearst carpark
= fucking embarrassing (one of those when you feel your heel miss the step and twist beneath you, you have that 2 seconds of slow-motion i-know-what's-gonna-happen-but-I-cannot-due-to-the-laws-of-physics-and-lack-of-railings-stop-it sense of realization) fall in front of peak-hour college traffic + bruised left knee + even more bruised ego

Looking at LHS (left hand side) of equation, the result was just completely INEVITABLE.

I'll laugh at myself when the bleeding stops.
kellykelly, 10/23/2002 05:45:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Friday, October 18, 2002

I'm tired, cold and hungary...

BUT, my essay for History is done done done!! Oh joy!! =) Begone, Sun Yat-sen: The Man Beyond His Time.

ALTHOUGH, being a Doe mole has been less annoying than I make it out to be. I really enjoy this history class. The work is astounding, but therefore, I learn so much.

YAY education.
kellykelly, 10/18/2002 12:33:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

Dammit Dammit Dammit!!!

I just realised that I missed ALL of Dave Egger's book tour dates in Bay Area/San Francisco. Dammit Dammit Dammit! I was really looking forward to meeting this dude. His 'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius' friggin' blew me away. One of the most interesting works I've read. Damn ignorance to hell!
kellykelly, 10/16/2002 12:15:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

I got a phone message from Jane yesterday. She called to tell me she's in Nice (I think) and it was the best day of her time in France so far and she just wanted to share it with me. =) Feels nice that someone wants to share that with you =). Tu es très heureuse, chère Jane! I'm so happy for her that she's over there, just experiencing new stuff everyday, seeing new things, feeling new things...makes me wanna do EAP as well. I'd need a jolt of a semester in between...

Speaking of France, I watched The Transporter last night, which was shot in Southern France. It was hands-down the stupidest movie I've seen this year. No wait...maybe Rollerball was. In any case...it was BAD (as in the bad kinda bad). The movie was cheesy, over-the-top, inconsistent and plain STUPID. It takes alot for a movie to disappoint when you already go in with the lowest expectations that it's just gonna be nothing more than a Beautiful Bodies with Brawns and Bombs movie. But it managed to fail even then. Even though Jason Statham is hot hot hot hot hot....he was far better in an ensemble movie like Snatch, just cos he can't really carry a movie by himself. Shu Qi was just the typical exotic looking Asian chick in the flick; she does nothing more but flutter her eyelashes and scream. Although I have to admit, she does have lovely hair . Not even the music was good in the show...most of the music sounds like porn music. And when the sex scene finally comes up out of literally no where...like they just suddenly stripped and got down and dirty, I'm serious, without even the pretense of some kind of story development. They just inserted (pardon the pun) the sex scene right in the middle of the film to appease the audience. I just can't believe how Luc Besson (The Professional! A Classic! One of my favourite films, dammit!) could do something like that...god!

The night wasn't a total bomb. Before that, was at Scores again watching the baseball game...the Giants beat the Cardinals! Yay! Again, I don't profess to like watching sports...but when you are in an American sports bar, and Santiago hits that home run, and the place just goes WILD...you can't help but...really enjoy yourself!

Best part of the day was wrapping up my 2 Geography essays and printing them out...ahh...love that feeling of printing out your essays...an action symbolizing tons of hours of work DONE. And, almost finishing up notes for the Econ 161 midterm on Tuesday. I've never felt so productive.
kellykelly, 10/15/2002 12:20:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Monday, October 14, 2002

It's Fleet Week here in San Francisco!
Yesterday (Sat) We got down to SF, hiked all the way along Embarcadero (near Gordon Biersch) to Fisherman's Wharf. There were alot of people down Embarcadero, more than the usual weekend crowd. Families with strollers, roller-bladers, couples, skateboarders...it looked like a mass multicultural pilgrimage. I love SF!

Made it to the Wharf just in time to watch the air show by the Blue Angels.

It was BAD (as in the good kinda BAD)! There were six planes, doing formation-stuff, stunts, flying real close to buildings (no wonder this annual event was cancelled last year), flying real low so you hear and feel their POWER. Amazing! I took a couple of pictures. They'd not represent what being there feels like though.
Chilled out at Fisherman's Wharf for a bit, went back down Embarcadero, had a little beer at Gordon Biersch...it was another All-American Experience...then I went back to finish my Geography essay on China. Finished it 2 days ahead of time (due on Monday). I feel so great. I have to remember this feeling of self-gratification of finishing my homework ahead of time...sure as hell beats the panic rushing to finish it an hour before it's due. Remember this the next time I have the urge to procrastinate. Although, I still feel like the 2nd essay needs a good ol' 'tightening' up...my thesis is still not clear enough I think...

Sat night, called my Mummy as usual, on the way to SF again. I love talking to my Mummy. She complains "the students at school are little devils", nags and is the most paranoid person, always telling me to "watch your drinks", "be careful", "don't trust anyone", "remember, the good-looking ones are the scary ones (!)", "be safe....and drive carefully too (family joke)"...heh heh...but at the end of the day, she's always telling me "always be happy", "your mother will be happy no matter what you do as long as you are happy"...words that only a mother or father can truly sincerely say. My dad always says "you don't choose your parents, so you're stuck with us". I'm like "hell! I'm not complaining!". In true Asian fashion, my brother and I hardly show/tell them how we feel but we always say that we really lucked out when we were allocated to our parents. Really.

Late at night, got my ass down to Jillian's which has somewhat become a weekend predictable, but nice-when-you-are-looking-for-predictability, mainstay. It's a good backup when you have no where else in mind to go. Plus they have nice videos on the screens, so if the crowd disappoints, you have something else to look at. Plus, they have a bartender who's freakin' HOT. Yummy.

kellykelly, 10/14/2002 03:11:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Saturday, October 12, 2002

I don't know why, but these quotes from this article (Singapore Pins Hopes on Spiky Arts Center) made me laugh:

"The Esplanade Theaters on the Bay, known locally as "The Big Durians" after a spiky, and smelly, Southeast Asian fruit, will throw open their doors on Saturday as the cultural center-piece of Singapore"
" "The fundamental design of the place -- it's kind of like making an elephant a ballet dancer," "
" "It may become this giant sucking sound because all the funding is going to go to it." "
"Benson Puah"
kellykelly, 10/12/2002 05:25:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Friday, October 11, 2002

Clockin' 4 hours in the library so far....

Kelly's life as a Doe Mole...hahahahahahaha....I crack myself up. I should really stop. I'm revealing too much of myself as a nut (geddit....nut...cracking....sighhhhh.......I'm sad sad....)
kellykelly, 10/11/2002 09:25:00 am | link | 0 comments |
Music in Midterm Madness is Manna!

I'm feeling frisky.
kellykelly, 10/11/2002 09:04:00 am | link | 0 comments |
The midterm went ok. I felt like I over prepared the Facts part (a week of intense intense intense studying) and spent too little time on the Synthesis part of my revision though...which means rambling essays, poorly allocated time between both essays (45min and 15min respectively...???), too little analysis. I don't see all that work as a total loss though. Even if I don't do well, I feel like I know -so- much more, not only about the factual history of China (Opium War to Republic Revolution), but the trends in intellectual discourse and their impact in the ebbs and flows of history, blah blah blah....it's all very interesting. (Duh!) Best part of my American education: I so thoroughly enjoy learning as an end in itself. I doubt I'd have such an enthusiasm in NUS. I'm not being judgemental on something I don't know about (never attended a day in NUS). I've studied in Singapore from age 6 to 19. I've friends in NUS and NTU. I know. ALTHOUGH, not to be ungrateful: the Singaporean mugging/memorizing system really given me good study skills and habits, I must say. Then again, I attribute alot of the benefits of my Singaporean education to agents (great great teachers that I was lucky to have), not institutions/culture. I think I've to get out of this "historical discourse" mode.

I think the fatigue is sinking in though. Walking down lower Sproul today, I had this weird sensation of hightened senses. I felt like my mind was clouded in a daze and my senses sharpened at the same time, so I kept focusing on faces and sounds individually but scanning the crowd at the same time. It was a strange experience. Fatigue is a drug...I'm getting a high...2 more essays for Monday, midterm for Tuesday, homework for Wednesday, one more essay on Friday. I see an OD coming up...
kellykelly, 10/11/2002 05:12:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Thursday, October 10, 2002

I can't believe I've been in the library for 12 hours now.

I can't believe there's so many people in the library at midnight...

I'm going bonkers.
kellykelly, 10/10/2002 02:57:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

NOTHING beats waking up in the morning after a good sleep, having a good hearty breakfast, driving off to where ever, bright sunny Californian day welcoming you out, blasting freakin' techno, any type of techno, windows down, wind messing up your hair...Fuck the onslaught of midterms coming up. That 15 minute happy drive to school perks my mood up, I'm ready to face the next 10 hours I'm going to hole myself up in the library...

There's something about techno music...by which I mean actually mean all kinds of house, garage, trip-hop, drum&base, however you want to classify them...Tiesto, Sasha&Digweed, Morcheeba, The Roots, Everything But the Girl, St. Germain, Oakenfold, Les Nubians, Faithless, Leftfield...I love love love them all! I love that they are so diverse too...then you get a song for every mood you have.

...Then you have the 92.7 type of cheapie techno music which I used to classify under Euro-trash/Ah-beng techno (depending on your cultural preference). Groups like Venga Boys and Aqua made me eschew them altogether. The snob in me just didn't let me enjoy them. THEN, I hear Dirty Vegas' Days Go By and Lautsprecher's Omnibus and my head starts to bob and a smile tugs my lips, THEN I hear Telepopmusik's Breathe and Daniel Beddingfield's Gotta Get Through This, I'm hooked. I give in. The repititions of those songs are why some people are irritated by them. "Another day, Just believe, Just Breathe, Another day, Just believe, Just Breathe...." "Gotta get through this, I'm gonna get through this, I'm gonna gonna gonna gonna make it through this..." But it's the repititions I love. The you get the different sounds, progressions under the repititions that never stays the same. I know there are technical reasons why music strikes us the way it does. I'll learn about it someday. For now, I'll just listen and enjoy.
kellykelly, 10/10/2002 04:09:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

It's funny how access to the internet can make me feel happy.

I registered my laptop for internet use in the school library a few days ago. Now I'm trying it for the first time. Was crossing my fingers, please work please work please work...didn't work. Let down. Tried the Run-winipcfg-release-renew routine and VOILA! I'm up and running! My heart makes a little leap of joy.

Don't underestimate those mini-pleasures that make your day.
kellykelly, 10/09/2002 10:18:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

I'll file this under My All-American Experience #598

After an entire day of studying, had dinner with some friends at a sports bar called Scores. There was a big baseball game on, between SF Giants and Atlanta Braves. The bar was PACKED...people filled up the entire place. And people were LOUD. Yelling, clapping and cheering at every hit, every score, every miss, high fiving total strangers when the Giants scored (most of the people there were Giants fans). When the Giants won, the crowd went absolutely WILD. Some local news crew was there filming the reactions, and when people were being interviewed, you get these crazy people thrusting their faces into the camera, in front of, behind the interviewee. American-dislikers will call this a typical example of the loud, crass, rumbunctious American. But it was one of the best games I've watched (and I hardly ever like watching sports) mainly because the exuberance of that place pushed me to feel involved in the game--that's what they call the rallying force of national sports.

It reminded me of a recent article in The Economist:

"In his 1996 book “American Exceptionalism”, Seymour Martin Lipset argues that Americans “exhibit a greater sense of patriotism, and of belief that their system is superior to all others...than the citizens of other industrialised democracies.” Opinion polls in the mid-1990s confirmed this. “Do you think your country is better than any other?” Yes, answered 80% of Americans. “Would you rather be a citizen of your country than any other?” Yes, said 90%. “How proud are you of your nationality?” Very proud, said 86%.

Even before September 11th, therefore, Americans were easily the most patriotic nation in the world (in contrast, only 54% of Britons and 35% of the French said they were proud of their countries). After September 11th, love of country went off the scale. “Do you think Americans are more patriotic than before the attacks?” Yes, 85%. “Do you think Americans have appreciated their country more?” Yes, 87%. Since American patriotism is closely associated with optimism—logical enough, if yours is the best country in the world—there was a spike after September in the number of people who thought the country was going in the right direction."

There's so much to gripe about America...there is "the other side of the coin of (t)his new hi-how-you-doin', up-front, in-your-face, mastectomy bra environment". (Salman Rushdie 'Fury') but one thing I've learnt about this country and have utter respect for is the genuine love and pride citizens have for this country...maybe because they're so free to gripe about it too. "While in other countries, political parties come and go, but the country remains the rallying point for the people's feelings, in Singapore, the Government has become synonymous with the country. Indeed, Singapore is often seen as the creation of the PAP, made to its image and likeness. Hence, dislike of the PAP, even though it does not translate into dislike of Singapore, effectively blocks out any spontaneous outpouring of patriotic emotion." (Catherine Lim. I like this article she wrote. Read it many years ago and amazingly found it on glorious google.com) Singapore has a long way to go...or maybe there is hope yet.

kellykelly, 10/08/2002 04:15:00 pm | link | 0 comments |
I'm feeling light-headed from all the studying.

It's been a long time since I last studied history. Sure I've taken econ classes, political science classes that bordered on being history lessons. But it's the first time since JC in 1999 that I'm studying for a history history class. It's History 116C: history of modern china. I like it...but ohhhh the readings to be done! Going through the list of identifications of names, treaties, events for my midterm now and just the FACTS that you have to go through. The specific intellectual focus of each discipline one studies is kinda interesting to me. Which is what makes me nervous about this class...those history majors in the class would have had that background and experience with the issues that history as a discipline deals with. I have no idea where to start. I make myself feel better by working my ass off typing up notes for the list of IDs that make up only 20% of the midterm grade, hoping in the process of typing up the notes, I learn something. And I am actually...but 100 yrs of Chinese history is alot to put in. I think I need a breather...I'm only halfway done with the IDs and have 3 essay topics to "think of" (read:fuck my brain over)

Saturday night was spent at a bar near Union called Matrix Fillmore. Highly pretentious, poser, but damn! Wall-to-wall eye candy! I've never seen so many cute guys in one place...or since one Saturday night a month ago at 111 Minna (which has since failed to live up to expectations. It's got my vote as Best Singles Scene definitely. Oh I saw Barry Zito too. He's a baseball player for the Oakland As. Actually I had wouldn't have known who he was if my friend didn't point him out to me and tell me who he was. He was just one of the many eye candies put on display. Yummy! But it does get boring after a while, looking at posers who pose to be looked at. After a while, faces and bodies start to look generic, and maybe once your eyes get used to the dim lighting, you realise that most of the people just look good cos it's dark anyway! What caught my eye was actually the movie Amelie that they were playing on one of the snazzy screens they have in the club. J'aime beaucoup cette film!

I wasn't intending on going out that night. But spent the whole Saturday feeling (a) hungover (b) PMS-depressed (bad bad bad case of) (c) therefore completely unproductive. Felt sick of wallowing in unexplainable and unwarrented self-misery and got my ass outta the door. No regrets. Placing yourself in a club, with loud trancy music, dim lights and beautiful people (or beautiful because it's dim) can be kinda calming surprisingly. The superficiality of the place prevents you from the abyss of deep meditation and over analysing. Plus, it's kinda amusing to see how the pick-up scene works. You see semi-drunk chicks totally falling for line's that semi-drunk guys lay on them to get laid. C'est amusant. Observing body language and human interaction at clubs is so interesting to me. I don't know why it is, but it is. It's Oktoberfest in SF right now, and the weather was un-SF-ly warm, so Fillmore was lined with dressed up bar hoppers...people were just filling the streets, post-party pizzas, successful pick-uppers and pick-uppees, taxi cabs being hailed by groups with no designated drivers, honking snazzy cars that drive by with cute posers. Criticize the superficiality all you want, scoff at the apparent material emptiness that these people seem to live in (I'm sure a majority of them have a concrete sensibility and intelligence for their sense of security to fall back on...or at least I hope so...) I like to take it for what it is...I think it's human nature to party. You worked all week, you dress up, you look nice...why not?
kellykelly, 10/08/2002 07:29:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Sunday, October 06, 2002

I don't ever want to drink again. Got smashed again last night and went home hungover. Why is it that my hangovers are never an overnight occurence? They always hit me almost immediately when I get home, or even at the club/bar....the waves of nausea, the intense headache, the horrid misery. I have to deal with it right after I return from dancing my ass off (which is what happens when I get buzzed) and I'm tired as hell. If only I could deal with the hangover symptoms the morning after. Seems to me that I would be more able to handle feeling like shit after some rest first.

The Celler was kinda fun. I didn't think it lived up to the expectations that Citysearch.com built...best dance club and best singles scene?? I don't think so. The quality of guys there were average. I wouldn't wanna be singleandlooking over there. The music...god, it was freakin' retro/hip-hop night. I felt like I was in JC1 at Mambo night in Zouk again! But when you are smashed and with friends who are smashed and can dance their asses off with you, who the fuck cares? It was hella fun! Almost compensates for the shitty hangover...almost. Remember that Kelly, the next time your buddies hand you that extra shot...

But this morning started off brilliantly with a 2 hour conversation with my best friend Marie (aka Bitch, our mutual term of affection.) Bitch is one of those amazing people who never fails to impress me and make me feel grateful as hell that I have someone like her in my life. It's a blessing to have people who know you. We've known each other since birth (fathers were friends), always refered to each other as "best friends", and never allowed that to be a mere label. Our lives and personalities are so different, yet, we'll always be the Two Bitches who yak so fast that only we understand each other. Our conversation made me realise the importance of letting people you love know what's going on in your life. There's a reason why we reveal and share things with people. When we externalize our thoughts and let known the occurances in our lives, we share a piece of ourselves. When you hide big chunks of information in your life, you disallow your loved ones to have a chance to fully understand you and love you fully. I'll find some way to write that thought down in a more concrete form....or I'll find a quote about it. That's the trouble with my writing...I never had that talent to concisely say what I mean, which is one of the prerequisites for great writing. That's why I love quotes. I depend on other people to do that for me.
kellykelly, 10/06/2002 03:39:00 am | link | 1 comments |

Saturday, October 05, 2002

One main reason why I wanted to start to blog again is that I've been reading some amazing stuff recently and I can't read something great and NOT share it. One is a poem which Michelle recommended from poetry daily:


Say it's a form of heat that doesn't rise

But passes from one body to the next.

Say it flows through you and then out

And back in again like some ghostly thread

Weaving a basic pattern inside of you

That will slowly begin to take the shape

Of what you'll think you can describe.

Aaron Fagan

The Yale Review

Volume 90, Number 3

July 2002

Isn't that lovely?

kellykelly, 10/05/2002 11:49:00 am | link | 0 comments |
Has it been more than a year already? I remember setting up this account way back in 2001. And recently have had the urge to start a blog again. Then I remembered I did have one. Bravo, the convenience of memory.

So where have I been in this past year? Everywhere. So much seen, heard, experienced...it's been amazing. Since the last time I posted (god, i'm still reeling from the fact that it seemed such a short time ago, and yet, so much has happened and when you try to recollect everything, memories start to flood back and you realise there's a sea of experiences that you have to tell...I'm sure some brilliant writer/poet has eloquently put the above mentioned theme into a lovely passage. I just have to find it.). So let me try to summarize my year, using school semesters as convenient chapters in my life:

Summer 2001: Was back in Singapore. Did my 6 week attachment, which was an intensive Excel introduction and a mere glimpse-hint into my future corporate life in a bank.

Fall 2001: Came back to start my 2nd year in Berkeley...courses: Micro Economics, French 1 (which I absolutely enjoyed. What a good program it was! Learning a new language made me appreciate English more. More about learning French later...), PEIS 100 (classical theories of political economy, which is one of the most intellectually challenging and interesting classes I've taken ever. Locke, Rousseau, Smith, all mind-fucks...but this class has taught me so much and has proven to be incredibly useful in future classes.) and a De-cal class on Dr Seuss, which was taught by an absolutely endearing sophmore. I do like green eggs and ham. Trips taken: short day trip to Yosemite which wasn't much cos the weather sucked, a Thanksgiving trip to Tahoe (boring, cos I suck at skiing and hate doing anything I'm bad at).

Winter Break 2001-2: Wee Keong came to visit in winter break, and off we were to Vancouver for a week or so where we met up with Jane and Robby came down at an astoudingly last minute decision to do so. Vancouver was fun! Went back to Singapore again for a few weeks or so, which was friends, family lovely and uneventful...just what singapore is.

Spring 2002: French 2, Econ 161 (on China), Econ 172 (Economic Demography which was a blardy slacker class...that one was an easy A!), Econ 140 (Econometrics which is the first econ class to have me worried about. A difficult A! but A nonetheless so that is an ego-booster). Academically speaking, that was the best semester, along with my first semester I've had.

Spring break: visited Wee Keong in Paris! Lovely trip...spent most of the time traveling round the city by myself. Was blown away by the beauty of that place. I love cities.

Summer 2002: Helllll yeah! China babe! Before that....my parents came up to visit me in the US for the first time. Brother was in SF too with his girlfriend so it was real nice having the family physically together for the first time in years (ever since my brother left for Purdue in 1999). We went to Vegas, spent most of the time out of Vegas though, Hoover dam. I remember the plane ride back home being the fucking scariest ride ever. Nasty turbulence. Brought out all the paronoia in me with a vengence. 2 weeks after, I went to China on a Berkeley summer program. Political Science PSN143T. Fucking best trip i've ever taken! Mostly due to the people in the trip. I love those guys! The best people to hang out, travel with. So much I have to say about that trip, but I'm just summarizing now. Plus I'm lazy to. I came back from China utterly fascinated by the history/culture/politics of that country. I'm going to do a PEIS double major now, probably, area of emphasis china.

Fall 2002: So here we are. From my China trip, it's KelChink doing a history AND geography class on China. Econ 110 Game theory which is a mind fuck. And Econ 162 economics of transition in eastern europe. I like the professors in my classes this year so that's good. And having classes only on tues and thurs (although it's lectures from 8am-2pm without breaks) is a breeeeze! =) Oh not to forget a Simpsons decal I'm taking, held by a couple of frat boys who drink beer in class while teaching (can you say poser?) with a bunch of over-enthusiatic sorority girls and not all that attractive guys in the class. yawn. But the course is surprisingly interesting and hey, 2 units to watch an episode or two of the Simpsons a week!

I don't know what made me wanna start this blog again. Is there really an exhibitionist streak in me revealing itself to my assumptions of your voyeuristic tendencies?

I just wanted to share I guess. Have friends and family keep uptodate with (some of) my ons and goings, outs and abouts, new thoughts, new reads, new favs, new experiences, new irritations, . I love life, I love -my- life and I'm discovering new things I love about my life everyday. And somehow, transferring some of that externally is...nice.

kellykelly, 10/05/2002 04:15:00 am | link | 0 comments |