..:: Kellog ::..


Sunday, February 27, 2005

From Glam to Poop (Lovely Sideways in Between)

Desyn Masiello spun one of the more spirited sets of late, the cutest DJ yet as well. Loads of fun meeting up with 3 different crews: the expat batch, the Berkeley/JC/friends of chums, and of course the Zouk-ites.

Sunday early afternoon was spent doing laundry, cleaning up the flat, feeling thankful I live in a small flat because I already have to clean up so much and so often. Headed over to Great World City to get my proper business outfit for my first CC meeting tomorrow (wish me luck!), and get a haircut and pedicure simultaneously.

Now, I have never been a salon kinda gal. I've recently gotten into pedicures only because my first pedicure in my life showed me how disgusting my un-pedicured toenails were. Cutting hair is a pain because I used to have a have a great (and cheap!) hairstylist in Berkeley and I don't know who to go to in Singapore. My hair is maintained only with trying as much as possible not to do anything with it, i.e. try not to wash it too often, only using shampoo (conditioner makes it too limp), and nothing else, no products, no hairdrying, just a hairbrush in the morning. I know I should get my hair trimmed every 6 weeks, but being the cheap-ass I am, I try to let it go for 6 months. Therefore, for the past 2 months, I've had perpetual bad hair days. With my best friend's wedding next weekend, I decided to treat myself to a haircut.

Randomly went into Jantzen on the 2nd floor of GWC, because their prices ($36 for wash and cut) were reasonable. And what a serendipous find, that Jantzen. For $36, I got an amazing 20 min head massage with my wash. They hardly do that these days. It's always a disappointing shampoo and rinse as fast as they can get away with. As I had two girls blow-drying my hair, I had my pedicure ($13). The simultaneity, while probably common to the salon-trotting chick, blew me away! Hairstyling and pedicure at the same time?? I could really do stuff like that?? I felt so teased! So pampered! Like a princess!

I came home later that night, sashaying with my lovely hair and fresh pedicure, only to find that the bloody cat has pooped again where he wasn't supposed to. If Ken wasn't there to laugh at me while I squatted and cleaned up and squatted in front of the rubbish chute to dig up all the old kitty litter and change to a new set in hope that he'd poop where he's fucking supposed to, I'd have lost it. At least Ken's laughter made it almost funny. From glam princess to poop cleaner. *phht*. I had to chant "I love Pat I love Pat" over and over because I'm only doing this for him and him only. I'm starting to feel utterly foreign to the concept of having pets and having to clean up after them. Darwin would roll in his grave. I doubt evolution has ever seen a stage where one animal cleaned up the shit of the other. Why do we humans choose to do it now???

In between the transition from glam princess to poop cleaner though, was a lovely lovely movie, Sideways, with Ken. If you liked American Splendor, you'd love Sideways. Paul Giamatti is such an amazing actor. With so many sub-standard movies out these days, Sideways is such a breath of fresh air.
kellykelly, 2/27/2005 11:20:00 pm | link | 10 comments |

Joy Luck Club Revisited

Only two kind of daughters. Those who are obedient and those who follow their own mind! Only one kind of daughter can live in this house. Obedient daughter!
You don't know, you don't know the power you have over me. One word from you, one look, and I'm four years old again, crying myself to sleep, because nothing I do can ever, ever please you.
It's almost funny:
June: I'm just sorry that you got stuck with such a loser, that I've always been so disappointing.
Suyuan: What you mean disappoint? Piano?
June: Everything...everything you expected of me.
Suyuan: Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope.
June: No? Well, it hurts, because every time you hoped for something I couldn't deliver, it hurt. It hurt me, Mommy. And no matter what you hope for, I'll never be more than what I am. And you never see that, what I really am
kellykelly, 2/27/2005 12:32:00 pm | link | 3 comments |

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Merci, Y'all!

Latest cover from The Economist, tee hee. Classic. Only cos I could totally hear the Prez say it.

kellykelly, 2/26/2005 11:54:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Pick Up of the Week

Location: Great World City; waiting for shuttle to MRT.
Boy*: Do you know if there's a Jack's Place here?
Me: Har? (takes headphones blaring Way Out West off) Errr...don't know. Maybe you can check the directory.
Boy: Oh ok. (pause) I just move around this area so I'm not familiar with this place. Do you live around here?
Me: Err...yeah around here.
(pause. Me attempting to put headphones back. Shiftly looks around)
Boy: My name is XXX. What's yours.
Me: Err...Kelly.
(Fumbles with bags and headphones in hand to shake his outstretched hand out of obligation. Me putting on headphones and try to casually walk to the other corner)
(1 min later)
Boy: Oh...well, I'm heading off now. (holds out handphone) Can we keep in touch?
Me: (taking headphones off) Har? No.
Boy: Why not?
Me: (incredulous that I even have to explain myself) I have a boyfriend.

Disclaimer: Writing about pick-up experiences runs the risk of sounding arrogant. My take is that it would be if one was genuinely flattered by those occurrences. However, as my theory goes, it's human nature to try to get laid, and our society puts the onus (with exceptions of course) on the men to put the first foot forward. Therefore, girls gloating about the "many men" trying to pick them up, as if they are all that, are deceiving themselves, especially when it happens clubs with dim lights and beer goggles are strapped on and the girl is simply not butt-fuck ugly. And, he's just as happy trying to get it on with the next girl standing right next to you. Point being, this post is in no way a form of indirect self-flattery (should I want to flatter myself, I'd be upfront and direct about it, don't worry), simply a typical blog post about experiences and thoughts about them.

My pick up experiences range from fun(ny) to simply awkward to sad to just plain icky.

(1) The few 'fun' pick-ups I've experienced is where I feel a good-hearted oh well at least I tried vibe from the guy. Or it ends off with "aww. he was a sweetheart. oh well." Those do happen. Those mostly happen at bookshops and cafes. Cliche, but true. It's a lot more interesting to hear the guy try to gain your favor by asking you about the book you are reading, and attempting to be interested (or perhaps they really are!) too. Not just the "Hey baby", or (as in Singapore) "Can I be your friend?" at clubs...

(2) ...which leads to the next category. I never really understood the sad (read: persistent) ones. Those mostly happen in clubs. Cliche but true. Silly boys at Zouk attempt to pick-up first asking if I'm alone, and when I say no, my boyfriend's here (I like playing the 'I am with boyfriend' card. Convenient and clean), the persistent ones would go "oh really? so where is he?" and persist further, as if I was lying. (Pat and I have a habit of disappearing from each other at a club as we bounce off in our own worlds, occassionally coming together to smile and yell WHOOHOO!!! I LOVE THIS SONG!!! before bouncing off again. Which makes the 'I am with boyfriend' card harder to play at times.) In the first place, even if I -was- lying, wouldn't me saying that I have a boyfriend be an apparent hint that I'm not interested in the game anyway? Sometimes I wonder if I really had to show them evidence, no, no, I'm not lying! Please believe me! Then I can't be bothered because he's gonna go on to his next target standing next to me anyway.

(3) Today's lie in the simply awkward category. Where boy just stood there, waiting for me to react, and I just kinda stand there guiltily looking around for some distraction. I can only imagine that Is There A Jack's Place Here?...Can We Stay In Touch? line worked once for him in the past and he was waiting for it to happen again, because it's pretty lame.

(4) The plain icky ones are just plain icky. For example, Sweaty French Man coming up to me at various points all night, even though I've proclaimed 'I am with boyfriend', finally telling me "It's time for you to experience the French kiss", (collective EUW!), and me pointing up to the DJ booth where Pat was and telling him, no really, that's my boyfriend, and Pat smiling and waving to say hi. The worst thing is that I have a boyfriend who is secure enough with my love and commitment (as he should be) to be terribly amused by these experiences, leaving me to fend for myself. Bugger!

*he really was a boy. My guess was 18 or 19. Good looking kid too. Unfortunately, I don't go for boyish boys. I like my men to be M-A-N.
kellykelly, 2/26/2005 05:39:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

Pay For What?

So I got an email for Straits Times Interactive:
We thank you for your interest in the website and would like to inform you about a major change coming to STI in March: After 10 years of giving ST news reports out for free online, STI will begin charging readers to access it.

A subscription will cost S$72 for six months (S$12 a month), or S$120 for a year (S$10 a month). A one-month subscription will cost S$15.

Why are we doing this?

We believe that we have a good and valuable product that users will want to pay for. It's also not a tenable business model to charge for the print edition of the newspaper and not for its online edition.

You will want to know whether you will get anything more, now that you have to pay.

The answer is yes.

You will notice that up till now, you get only three reports from Life! and Sunday Life through the week. If you subscribe, all the showbiz gossip and lifestyle features you see in the print edition of Life will be available online.

The weekly tech magazine Digital Life is available online now but a day after its print edition goes out with the newspaper. If you subscribe, Digital Life and the health magazine Mind Your Body -- now not online -- will become available from 6am on the same day they are distributed with the newspaper. The fashion magazine Urban will also go online, but later this year.

All news reports in the Money section will be available from 6am daily, instead of 6pm.

The last perk is that the archive will grow from the current three-days to seven-days. This means you can search back a week's worth of STI editions.
First of all, I don't have to go into details, but the writing in this email sucks. This from a national newspaper? Second, the only reason how I think they would be able to justify charging for online subscription is that their circulation market (Singapore) is too small, hence the need to look for more sources of revenue. Otherwise how could better newspapers like the NY Times, Washington Post, The Guardian, etc be free, and a mediocre newspaper like the Straits Times be charging $120/yr? I certainly don't believe that they "have a good and valuable product that users will want to pay for". Up to 7-days in archived articles??? Ooooo....And btw, 'Urban' is the worst piece of crap I've ever read...like a badly written Cosmo. It's too painful to think about what Singapore has to offer in terms of news. That's what you get when you censor. Thank god for the internet!
kellykelly, 2/26/2005 02:30:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Friday, February 25, 2005


I've always kidded my brother about living in butt-fuck Indiana (they go to Walmart on weekends), but having live views of that place just takes all the mockery to the next level.

And the title...ohh boy.

"I like having an all seeing eye! I'm like Sauron only 5% less evil.

kellykelly, 2/25/2005 11:03:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The Gobbledygook Generator

Gobbledygook had its first mention here.

Now, generate your own gobbledygook!

Plain English Campaign: The gobbledygook generator
kellykelly, 2/23/2005 10:42:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Convulating Balkanizing Solipsist and Cockloft

Laces here has a great li'll addition, from a music lover's POV, to an on-going generic sociological debate about the social balkanization that the Internet accelerates. (P.S. There's a whole lot more accurate and better articles/papers about this issue, I just too lazy to googlesift 'em right now. Wow. NewSpeak. I just created a new term! Googlesift. When some university kid tweaked out on redbull quotes me for his linguistics term paper, my life will be complete. Oh wow, I just did a dictionary.com search for googlesift and it showed:
No entry found for Googlesift.

Did you mean Google sift?
So I clicked and it gave me:
No entry found for Google sift.

Did you mean Cockloft?
Oh hahahaha...*snort*...hahahhaha!

That has got to be Kellog's record for the longest parenthesis ever. This has to end.)

Where was I? Oh yes, social Balkanization. Oh wait, I meant Laces' post. There is a point to this convolution. As I discussed with my brother the other day, I find it hard to sit down and watch TV anymore. I'm too impatient for it. It's probably because (a) TV's horrid these days (Desperate Housewives SUCK! I don't know why all the hype! I couldn't stand watching the entire thing); (b) the Internet has shortened my/our attention span so much that We Are All ADDs Now. That's why Firefox has these great tabs tool (that I'm beginning to use), because it's no longer enough having 5 different chat windows open, downloading 15 songs on soulseek, downloading and arranging your digital pictures simulteneously...we need 3 browers, each with 10 tabs open all at the same time.

But that was not my original point. This post is turning out to be the mother of all digressions. I blame the Internet! Blame! Blame!

I like this line that Laces wrote:
And that's probably exactly why said educated people who like street music (i.e. me) find MIA's music intensely divisive and problematic. Because it is inauthentic in the exact same way that we are. It's knowledgeable, and steeped in the culture that it imitates, but it manifestly is NOT from that culture.
...because I empathize, although not in the context that he wrote in (he: music lover; me: individual with no individuality, only "steeped in the culture that (I) imitate"...see?)

But my original point was a reference to this link that Laces' post led me to: Society is dead, we have retreated into the iWorld:
Manhattan’s downtown is now a Disney-like string of malls, riverside parks and pretty upper-middle-class villages. But there was something else. And as I looked across the throngs on the pavements, I began to see why.

There were little white wires hanging down from their ears, or tucked into pockets, purses or jackets. The eyes were a little vacant. Each was in his or her own musical world, walking to their soundtrack, stars in their own music video, almost oblivious to the world around them. These are the iPod people.

Even without the white wires you can tell who they are. They walk down the street in their own MP3 cocoon, bumping into others, deaf to small social cues, shutting out anyone not in their bubble.
Funny cos it's true. Not so much in Singapore, but when I was in Berkeley, I started seeing these white wires everywhere. It was a subtle phenomenon. It's striking because I spent an hour after work strolling towards the bus-stop, then deciding to just walk to the next stop, then the next, then through Chinatown, then decided to just walk all the way home instead...with my iPod blasting the entire time, and it was lovely.

I have since ditched the crabby iPod headphones for my awesome Seinnheiser ones with black wires (because white wires are sooooo two-thousand-and-three-slash-four). But as I walked home from work today through Chinatown, blocking out any traditional dong-dong-chiang music on the last day of the lunar new year for Sasha & Pete Tong's Essential Mix, I'm fully guilty of "walk(ing) around the world like hermit crabs with (my) isolation surgically attached". But I don't quite agree with Sullivan's romanticism:
But what are we missing? That hilarious shard of an overheard conversation that stays with you all day; the child whose chatter on the pavement takes you back to your early memories; birdsong; weather; accents; the laughter of others."
Sometimes, sure, but somewhat mawkish, innit? I guess he's not heard the annoying blasting roadshows on the streets of Singapore, the incessant yabber on the frigging TVs on the buses I wanna smash with the emergency hammer (why? why? whose dumb-ass idea was it to put TVs in buses?) the aunties' loud complaints, etc.

With krazykramps that has numbed the lower half of my body and a re-visit of my stuffed-nosed (this bloody flu never flew...giggle...phht), I've retreated, world, into a rather peaceful fulfilment of KKSC Activity (5).
And those thoughts that come not by filling your head with selected diversion, but by allowing your mind to wander aimlessly through the regular background noise of human and mechanical life.
I think my mind has wandered aimlessly enough in this post. I blame the flu medication. Blame! Blame!

Even the shape of this post is all Balkanized and shit.
kellykelly, 2/23/2005 09:11:00 pm | link | 4 comments |


The Economist hits the nail on the head:
Most people’s feelings about America are complicated. “America”, after all, is shorthand for many other terms: the Bush administration, a Republican-dominated Congress, Hollywood, a source of investment, a place to go to study, a land of economic opportunity, a big regional power, the big world power, a particular policy, the memory of something once done by the United States, a set of political values based on freedom, democracy and economic liberalism, and so on. It is easy to be for some of these and against others, and some may wax or wane in importance according to time, circumstance, propaganda or wishful thinking. So it should be no surprise that some people can hold two apparently contradictory views of America at once. The incandescent third-world demonstrator, shrieking “Down with America!” in one breath and “Can you get me a green card?” in the next, has become a commonplace.
Nice article, with a good summary of different nations' views on America. It ended off more disparaging than it appears:
Whereas much of the rest of the world once looked to the United States as a beacon, it is argued, non-Americans are now turning away. Democrats in Europe and elsewhere who once thought religiosity, a belief in capital punishment and rank hostility to the United Nations were intermittent or diminishing features of the United States now see them as rising and perhaps permanent. Such feelings have been fortified by Mr Bush’s doctrine of preventive war, Guantánamo, opposition to the world criminal court and a host of other international agreements. One way or another, it is said, people are turning off America, not so much to hate it as to look for other examples to follow—even Europe’s. If true, that could be even more insulting to Americans than the rise in the familiar anti-Americanism of yesteryear.

kellykelly, 2/23/2005 01:46:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Further Fulfilment of KKSC Activities

The Come Stroke Pat's Pussy party went along swimmingly. Patrick actually did 'show up' for the party...through webcam. Ken took a cool pomo (post-modern) shot of Kenneth and the computer screen with Pat and I chatting. James Holden at Zouk was disappointing. He was technicially savvy, but spun as if he was alone in his bedroom, with no sense of what the crowd wanted. The set was flat and boring, and his set ended at 4am, one of the earliest at Zouk.

On Saturday afternoon, I thoroughly enjoyed looking at Botero's paintings. His paintings have got to be experienced in real life. I had fun standing reeeal close to the paintings and have them loom above me. Pear was one of my favorites, because of that cute teeny li'll worm...he even put two eyes and a smiley on the worm too (you can see it better in real life)! It was so cute. I giggled more than once just looking at the minute details of his drawings. He's definitely a fav with me now. Was going to attend Kishore Mahbubani's lecture with Karen, but had to bail because the heat and fatigue from the night before got to me. I couldn't see myself sitting through a 2 hour lecture, and didn't wanna be rude by falling alseep halfway (which I would have) so I left before it even started. Boo.

Watched Million Dollar Baby with my mummy in the evening. Good show all around, great performances by Hillary Swank and Clint Eastwood (who is -beautiful-), but a little draggy and a tad too Hollywood for me. All the formulas were installed perfectly and it will be all that you expect for an Oscar-nominated movie.

Thereafter, we were led like sheeps into the world of gay clubbing with shepard Ken. It was thoroughly fun. Was quite a test for Alec and Michelle's sexuality, as Ken and Alec were mistaken more than once as a couple, and Michelle spent all night telling us she was in love with this girl they saw performing at a concert. Ken took some great shots, one of me with every men wanting nothing to do with me:

...and one of pole dancing Krazy Karen making gay boys jealous of her pole (she owned it).

As the night progressed, and alcohol metabolized, conversation flowed from Ayn Rand's philosophy to the concepts of 'boob phobia' and 'shoe sizes' elucidated. Gay clubbbing night ended with Mich, Alec, Karen and I all having a strange craving for bao...so we walked around in the search for bao...chanting like zombies bao bao bao...Karen making the most painful joke, 'just call us bao-wer rangers'...and then finally, Mich, Alec, and I each got a char siew bao...and Karen bloody gets a lo mai kai!! Granted, they didn't have the lian-yong bao she wanted but still?? Friggin' bao deserter.;p

Sunday afternoon was spent discussing Noeline's wedding. Oh boy...it's scary all the preparations going into a wedding! My Noeline's gonna be married...boy oh boy! My baby's all grown up! Menotti with the RJ classmates and Mr Purvis (the darlings of my otherwise painful RJ experience) was excellent with good food but sloppy service.

I tend not to like to write 'I did this and this and that' blog posts that merely lists what I did...but that was pretty much my weekend, and I'm too lazy to think of a more intelligent way to lay it out...apologies. I gotta say tho', I'm not living out KKSC Activity (5) enough...with all the social activity, I envision burning out and hermitizing myself. In the meantime, I'm thoroughly enjoying being a solo social being once more.
kellykelly, 2/20/2005 10:06:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Thursday, February 17, 2005

The Flaming Credit Analyst

I don't know if I have written about my job before. I'm basically a credit analyst, mostly with syndicated loans these days. Apparently, that must sound real boring to most people because when people ask me how's work, and I go "I love it!", the inquirer almost always looks shocked ("wah! really???") or incredulous ("are you sure???").

How is it so unusual to find people saying "I love my job", especially in Singapore, it seems? Granted, I only just started work, but I actually hear very few people my age go "I love my job" as well. At most, they shrug and say, it's not bad. What a nightmare if I had to drag myself to work every single day, especially since I kinda don't really have an option to leave mine. I'm quite thankful to the forces of nature that the job I had to return to is the job that I'd probably have chosen for myself anyway.

I don't like 'Monday Blues' comic strips and emails because I think they are mostly self-fulfilling. People are so fond of getting themselves blue. They gather with other people to compete Who Can Find Most To Complain About My Job? Of course, there's a part where I lucked out due to circumstance. I get to leave my office before 7pm (I keep my fingers crossed I do not look back at this post and splutter with disbelief), a sheer luxury in Singapore's corporate world. The people in my office are nice and my bosses are cool. I will likely NOT be writing any of this shit if I'm still at work right now (11pm), as some of my friends actually are. But there are choices we actually make to make things better/worse for myself. Because my work life ain't perfect, not one bit. There certainly have been a few pokes and prodes at the side of me that hosts Irritation. But I choose to naively ignore the Little Irritations and Setbacks and just concentrate on what I enjoy most.

And what I enjoy most is that I get to fully dive into a company's background, business, industry, and financials and learn all I can about it. The cases I get these days are mostly from London, some NYC and some Vancouver. Since I read The Economist for fun, I can unbashedly be my full nerd self and find my job pretty damn fascinating. Added to that, I did no finance back in college. Any Economics was of the social macro sort. So everything's so new to me. There's this whole world out there I was never aware of. It ain't everyone's cup of tea for sure. I spend all day sitting at the computer, staring at the 100 page Information Memorandum, Excel-ing financial models and writing up a paper. But that suits me sooo fine, beause I just put on my headphones, play some good house music and I'm set.

I don't think my personality is ready yet for marketing jobs with selling involved anyway. And I have no interest in wondering how best to sell a product because I have no interest in advertising/marketing/consumerism. Kenneth recently called me a "hippie capitalist" because I love business and learning about how precisely a business actually produces, lives and breathes (I blame Ayn Rand), yet I'm quite an anti-consumerist in my dislike for shopping, shopping malls, any advertising anywhere, big billboards that yell BUY! WANT! BUY! WANT!. So I want businesses to produce, but no one to buy. A Hippie Capitalist. I will have to resolve that contradiction one day by either turning full Hippie or full Capitalist. Stay tuned.

But back to writing credit papers. I learnt something today: I pretty much suck at it. I do understand the fundamentals, it's the writing style that I (and my boss) have an issue with. I liken it to a flaming gay boy in the army, where he is supposed to march in a straight line in his smart uniform, but he just needs to wear a cute li'll tank top revealing his taut tummy, flashy red shoes, jewelry, make up and a hip li'll wool beret, and sashay. I was trained, trained to write 10 page essays, while straightforward, gives me room to be creative with my writing...plan! structure! argue! thesis! anti-thesis! synthesis! then...end it with a boom! bang! a point no one has thought of before! I had no problem Ace-ing any political science/economics paper back at Berkeley. Yet, I always had the sneaking suspicion that the world of academia was kinda...floozy. As in you had all these grand theories you could argue with the boom! and the bang!, and I would A+ them, but inside, I felt kinda like a fraud.

And so I was, because in the real world, my company decides to give out money, and we bloody want it back...with interest! So there's no floozing or scattering around the issue to dress it up, wrap it up with ribbons nor sashay. It's a bland brown box of facts that you have to present, naked and bare, skip the dressing please. And naked and bare it will be, and therefore, you must strip your writing down to the barest, blandest facts. It definitely takes a different talent to strip the 100 pages at hand to 5 pages for your CEO to read and decide. It's the talent of being succinct which, as this post proves, is a skill I definitely need to learn.

And learn it I will! Before you know it, this post will be summarized in 7 words!
kellykelly, 2/17/2005 10:14:00 pm | link | 1 comments |


*spoiler: as with all movies I watch, I hate reading anything about the movie prior, so if you wanna watch Constantine, don't read*

After an immensely satisfying meal at Crystal Jade with Kenneth (chicken neck eater!), Yo and Evan, (Beijing La Mian, take notes on how to manage a crowd. Their service/food was excellent) I met up with Ken for Constantine and completely embarrassed myself next to him by whimpering and hiding my face like a pussy for half of the movie. He kinda laughed/giggled a lot throughout. I wonder if it was because of the movie or because he was laughing at me. I think because I kept thinking I was gonna be sleeping alone with a Fat Cat that night. And it wasn't even supposed to be all that scary.

I never liked scary movies, but have ceased to be super scared by it the way I was as a kid, when those really scary Hong Kong movies about scorned women killing themselves and purposely dressed in red so they could return for vengence, completely freaked me out. I think what freaked me out was that scene with the girl up in the ceiling like a fly. Scary movies with possessed bodies freak me out most. The hell scenes were too OTT to be scary, but it was the ones with the humans that made me hide my face. I will never watch The Exorcist. I saw one clip of that girl walking backwards down the stairs and that was enough.

After I came out of the theatre, I wondered why the hell (pardon the pun) I was so afraid. I'm completely embarrassed to admit that I was so scared. Upon hindsight, it's a pretty damn cheesy Hollywood flick, but highly entertaining nonetheless. Think of it as Dogma plus The Matrix plus Good Omens plus a whole lot of computer generate monsters. Keanu Reeves fascinates me. He's so bland and talentless, yet he still makes me wanna watch his movies! I don't know why! He's the Madonna of movies, yet he doesn't even hype himself up the way she does. He's not even cast as an everyman the way most bland people are...he's friggin' Neo and Constantine superheros! I don't know how it happened...but I still wanna bite him. He's grown hotter now that he's older. He used to look a little too boyish. I like my men to be man men.

Speaking of which, as hot as Keanu is, I think Djimon Hounsou as Midnite would ranked higher on my Bite-a-licious Fantasy Men list. His outfit was soooo a-pimpin', it makes me wanna love to walk into a club in his arms in my booty shorts or mini-est mini-skirt in skanky heels as his 'ho. Back dat ass up!
kellykelly, 2/17/2005 11:30:00 am | link | 5 comments |

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Pussy Blocked

This tickled me. My email invite titled "Come Stroke Pat's Pussy (Friday)" party was blocked by someone's law firm:
From: Email Administrator Alert
Sent: 16 February 2005 11:02
To: xxx
Subject: Profanity Block Notification

Email from kelly, subject List Profanity [5]: pussy [5,W] to xxx@lawfirm.com is quarantined on Wed, Feb 16 2005 03:01:48.
My question is, what do they do when an email is 'quarantined'? Will it be checked and read? Sounds pretty intrusive to me. Guess I ain't sending emails to that address anymore!
kellykelly, 2/16/2005 11:49:00 am | link | 1 comments |

Blue Blood

Oh my god. Posted on the SMSA mailing list:

Finally, it's here. The new Black Card worth waiting for. One that speaks volumes of your scholastic pedigree, your rich heritage and the esteemed company you now keep. Introducing The Rafflesians' Card by UOB. Come celebrate the launch of UOB ORA VISA credit card - a card that is exclusively ours alone - at the coming Netweaving Event on Monday, 28 February.

Poster made a snide comment on the 'humility' of Rafflesians. I have to concur. I know it's all a marketing ploy to use words like this, but it's almost embarrassing. I appreciate what Raffles JC did for me. I loved my classmates and teachers (it helped that I had a great teacher who incessently told us that the 'Rafflesian' culture ain't what it markets itself to be, which brought us back down to earth) and many people there that remain close friends with me today, and would probably not have achieved what I achieved in my A Levels, and therefore go to Berkeley on a scholarship, and have the greatest time of my life, and meet the love of my life, yadda yadda, if not for that rigorous environment. But the bitches I had to deal with in my CCA represented all that I despised of the 'Rafflesian' culture. I was never comfortable with what 'Rafflesians' meant (we are winners! we are the best! we are the greatest! lah-di-dah *phht* I poop on you.) what it represented in general and would never classify myself as a 'Rafflesian' the way I would as a 'Cedarian'.

Oh lordy..."scholastic pedigree"...I conjure an image of an annoying fruffy manicured poodle at a Dog Show, with genetic deficiencies within because of its 'pure' breed...issued by the very bank I work for! Forgive me!
kellykelly, 2/16/2005 09:22:00 am | link | 7 comments |

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

In Fulfilment of KKSC Activities

(1) Girls night out on Valentine's Day was fun as hell, especially meeting up with secondary school friends I have not met in eons. I have decided to henceforth spend all Valentine's Day with girl friends, tis far more fun. The sight of the many many couples in cheesy uniform (one arm around boy, one arm holding flowers) was almost scary.

I also realized that sipping on lightly alcoholic cocktails does make me giggly and happy.

However, Beijing La Mian at the Esplanade should always always be avoided. The clincher is that the food was horrid. The noodles were soggy and inedible. The service was so bad we insisted on not paying the 10% service charge. We had to flail around our hands to get our orders taken, with our orders coming out half an hour apart, all mixed up, and one of us (poor girl) didn't even get her bowl of noodles. Silly waiter tried to make the excuse that the manager wasn't around hence he couldn't do that, when we were talking to the manager and giving her our feedback just 5 min prior. She apologized for the poor service, saying most of them were part-time staff and untrained. Why weren't they trained then? She replied that it was because they had "no time". Huh? I'm sorry, but when it's Valentine's Day and you know you're gonna be hit with a crowd, that's when the manager steps up and proves his/her worth. I was hit by a sense of deja-vu leaving the restaurant, that the past 2 times I've been there, I've blown my top because of the horrid service. Which kinda means that they haven't improved one bit in the past 6 months. Which means that I was an idiot for not remembering and masochistically returning. Now, I'm not usually picky with service. I'd much rather go to a food court and serve myself most of the time. But you know it's bad when I actually say something about it. In any case I don't know why I kept forgetting my past horrid experience. I have now learnt my lesson. And I will publicize this. Avoid Beijing La Mian at the Esplanade! (If you want really really good la mian, go to the end of Circular Road at Raffles Place...next to that Sharks Fin place that servce pathetic slivers of sharks fin. It's the best, and I love the service staff! Always pleasant even at their peak hours.)

So that doesn't sound like much fun. But it was fun just to be with the girls I hung out with so often for volleyball practice at least 3 times a week back in Cedar Girls. There's something about being with friends that you spent many days giggling with in your bad hair, glasses and braces at age 14. There really can't be much BS after that.

We had such a good time that we're arranging another girls nite out next Monday. Hawker food at Zion Road, drinks at Wine Bar, then up to my place for Desperate Housewives (which I've heard so much about but never got down to watching). So if you are a girl and one of my friends...actually strike that...I'm never one for gender bias...if you are a dude and just wanna hang with some cute chicks (I gotta coupla single ones for youuuuu...to my brother ;p...), hit me up with an email/phone.

(2) Cute Ken here is gonna take me out on Saturday night!

I've been noticing a lot of naughty t-shirts around town lately. Some so blatant Pat and I have done the double take more than once wondering if they were legal. What the hell? Cute Ken told me I could buy a tank stating "I Love Cock" with a Rooster on it..just like my side-bar profile...only I have stated it in plural, he observed.

Does KKSC really dare?

(3) Friday night, James Holden. I will be throwing a Come Stroke Pat's Pussy party. Now that we have successfully Kicked Patrick Outta Singapore...Twice, his pussy's been feelin' lonely and unloved. So Come Stroke Pat's Pussy and show the poor pussy some good lovin'...and have a drink or two as well.

(I'm talking about his cat.)

(4) I think we're gonna catch What Big Bombs You Have (Mar2) and White Men With Weapons (Mar9)...and a few movies from that festival, undetermined yet.

(5) 'Tis truly lovely. =)
kellykelly, 2/15/2005 10:19:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Monday, February 14, 2005

Swinging Single

Well, the -sidine of the Chansidines has flown. *sniff*. For the next 48 days and 47 nights (err...yes, I actually counted *blush*), I will dearly miss rubbing my face in that crazy hair. But gosh-darn-it *pump hands in the air*, Bring On the Exclamation Marks!! and *Asterisks*...Here are The Stereotypical Single Girl (minus Sex of course, such are the demands of monogamy) In The City activities for kellykelly-sans-Considine (KKSC)!!

(1) *Chick Time*!: KKSC will spend healthy amounts of chick-time with chicks! Lunch, dinner, bar-hopping, movies...Soon to come, chick-themed parties with loads of chick-flicks, girl-talk, and perhaps porn and a stripper or two (kidding...or not? stay tuned).

(2) *Fag Hag*!: KKSC will also turn fag-hag! Taking yoga lessons (also can be listed under Chick Time!), hopping around Happy, etc, with respective gay pals.

(3) *Clubber*!: KKSC will club almost every weekend till dawn with a bunch of clubbing buddies! oh wait, I've already been doing that. Ok, so I -need- to try out places other than Zouk, so show me! show me! Please strike Attica or Thumper off my list. I poop on places like those. I'm open for Coco Latte, Liquid Room, etc though...

(4) *Culturalist*!: KKSC will be scouting for buddies to watch/do the following with:
-a: Singapore Fringe Festival : As with most Singapore events trying to be 'alternative', this looks too corporate sponsored and government approved to be what it markets itself to be, but there are some stuff that actually looks interesting. Let me know if you are interested in attending any with me. What Big Bombs You Have!! looks interesting, as does a few other plays.
-b: Botero in Singapore: Ok, this ends Feb 27th, and I've been procrastinating. Museums are actually one of the best places to go solo (hence, also can be listed under Solipsist!), but yes, do arrange a time to come along with me if you are free.
-c: Old Man and the River: Royston Tan's 15min film at the Singapore History Museum (also to be co-listed under Solipsist! but company welcomed too).
-d: Blondie: OMG, Blondie! In Singapore! Not exactly Cultural, but...who wants to go?? 1 Mar, Tues.
-e: Good Friday: Long weekend coming up 25-27th March! I wanna take a trip somewhere. Anywhere. I'm open. Cheap would be good. Bangkok? Bali? Cherating? Any suggestions? This is under Culturalist!, which is preferable. But a Consumerist! trip would be ok too. As long as I get cheap massages!

(5) *Solipsist*!: Most importantly, KKSC will make the most of this time away from comfortable couplehood to rediscover the precious soul-soothing silence of solitude!!
kellykelly, 2/14/2005 12:32:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Chinese New Year 2005

The Eve--Reunion Dinner (Tuan Nian Fan)

'Twas ,my first Chinese New Year back in SG in 4 years!!! Whoo hoo! Just looking at all the goodies my mom bought made me tingle with nostalgia and yummy glee.

For our reunion dinner: steamboat dinner for 20 people in the tiny HDB flat I grew up in, my aunts' home. We tried having our reunion dinner at a restaurant once, but it just didn't feel right. Having the Chan family squeeze into a tiny place where we -all- feel at home as we did every single year just felt so much better.

The World's Messiest Yu Sheng!! It was hilarious. Right after explaining to Patrick the significance of yu sheng, and how you have to toss it as high as possible, my normally reticent family went crazy. Patrick lost his chopsticks in the battle and gained a bunch of the salad splattered across his t-shirt. A quarter got on the table, another quarter fell to the floor and thankfully, we got to eat the remaining half of what really was the best tasting yu sheng we've all tasted, thanks to the skill of one of my aunts.

What Chinese New Year is made of:

Being with 2 of my fav ladies in the world, my mother...

...and my ee-ma (2nd mother) who brought me up as a kid as well...

...and just being with my parents...but I miss my Kor Kor (big brother)!!!

...and hanging out with 2 of my childhood friends that I've known all my life...and of course, Mummy in the background (always).

What you didn't see in the previous picture is the naughty "Bondage" scrawled across Chronos' (yes, his name is Chronos...it used to be Melvin, but Chronos is cooler) back...

Asian Fusion?

So my best friend's family eats McDonald's for dinner on the first day...

We order a Pizza Hut and KFC feast for our visitors on the 2nd day...

We eat at ribs at Tony Roma's with my uncle from NYC on the 3rd day...

And the ang moh gets a bunch of ang baos!!!

Kick Patrick Outta Singapore...Twice

Speaking of naughty T-shirts, here's adw's when he came over on Day 1 of Kick Patrick Outta Singapore...Twice party. Well, at least it's the auspicious red.

The ang mohs joined in the celebration. Jon here visited us at my parents' house on the 2nd day to see what a CNY house visit is like. He ended up getting trashed with my father with a 5 hour drinking session. They ended the night as the best of friends.

We obviously did not heed the Chinese superstition that you can't visit nor have visitors on the 3rd day of CNY with the bunch of people we had over before Hernan Cattaneo (who burnt a hole in my dancing sneakers). Whatta great party. Half of the people on the dancefloor when the lights came on at 530am were at our place before heading out. I love those guys!

All in all, a very happy Chinese New Year, I would say. =D

And now, I have 7 weeks of a swinging single life ahead of me...
kellykelly, 2/13/2005 06:14:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Friday, February 11, 2005

Kick Patrick Outta Singapore...Twice

Dear all,

Patrick will be leaving Singapore at an ungodly hour (morning) on
Valentine's Day (Mon). Bastard. He'll be back on April 2nd, when we'll
have a Welcome Patrick Back to The Equator party.

In the meantime, we'll be throwing Kick Patrick Outta
Singapore...Twice parties tonight (Fri) and Saturday night. Hernan
Cattaneo (listening to his Renaissance CD now...smoooooth) will be spinning at Zouk tonite and Aldrin tomorrow.

Please come by anytime after 10pm (Fri...call first...we'll be out for
dinner), after 9pm (Sat) and spend some of that ang bao $$$ on alcohol
and good times, and have a drink or two with the big ang moh with
crazy hair. We'll probably head out to Zouk after midnight.

You should know the address/cell. If not, email me.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!
kellykelly, 2/11/2005 11:08:00 am | link | 3 comments |

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Ohhh...it's the eve of Chinese New Year! After 4 years of being away and missing probably my favorite festival (c'mon, it's Thanksgiving -and- Christmas combined for at least 3 days!), I'm looking forward to eating loads of great food tonight, seeing long-lost relatives and collecting ang baos...I mean, seeing relatives, seeing relatives...that could help me pay part of my rent this month....Wan Shi Ru Yi, everyone!
kellykelly, 2/08/2005 08:16:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Monday, February 07, 2005

Despot? What Despot?

I was waiting for Talking Cock to write about this issue. Tee hee. They once again didn't fail to tickle:
A straw poll conducted by NUS revealed that many other students also had no idea what a despot was, with 79% believing it to be some form of round, ceramic vessel and 19% believing it was part of the English proverb, “despot calling deskettle black”.

NUS Deputy Vice-Provost Boey Tak Chek deplored the poor vocabulary displayed by the undergrads, saying, “Thank goodness the Minister Mentor was on hand to show them what a despot looks like.”
kellykelly, 2/07/2005 02:21:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Net Networking

Saturday night was hilarious. We hopped over to Katong Mall for Jacob's awesome party, greeted by foliage, hanging stuffed animals, chinese new year decorations, and a host with a snake coming out of his crotch. Then the night progressed with dancers in bikini tops around a huge fake tree. What I missed, dammit, was Mich's 'Toxic' with those dancers.

What was hilarious was that a lot of us were connected through our blogs. So conversations went something like:
Me: Karen, Michelle; Michelle, Karen.
Michelle: Ohh, you are appliedphilosophy right?
Me: Oh yeah, Karen, Michelle's syntaxfree.

That repeated through the night as I met more people who I told "oh yeah I read your blog", or who told me "I read your blog". That very afternoon, we also briefly met Xiaxue through Eileen. As Nixon would say (not really), "We are all bloggers now".

The reality revelation progressed through the night as we met up with the bunch of Zouk regulars at the coffeeshop downstairs. I was introduced to people from the Zouk/frontallabs forum as "oh you know her on the forum, nahclek. And that's Pat, as in pmckcon... so this is *insert weird nicknames*). Pat was actually laughing at us bloggers and how geeky he thinks we are, until I reminded him that most of the Zouk peeps we hang out with these days he met through the forums.

I think it's great. While I have not met many people that I currently hang out with online (I think Mich is the only true example...we met through the Michael Jackson Internet Fan Club...oh, those were the days...), I've certainly gotten closer to people who I have had constant contact with online, be it through blogging or chatting online. I love it when geekiness actually enhances a not-so-geeky social life.
kellykelly, 2/07/2005 01:05:00 am | link | 0 comments |

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Dancing Around the World

This is soooo great!

Pat and I are going to start something similar. He's gonna be doing The Worm around the world. Actually this idea came about a year ago in NYC with Alex aka Ass Man, but we never got down to doing it. Pat says he's gonna start in front of the Esplanade.

kellykelly, 2/06/2005 11:22:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Pardon the Pun

Someone posted this joke on Michelle's site (scroll down to 'comments'):
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses. He also ate very little, which made him very thin and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. That made him...

A supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

And then, I google searched "hexed by halitosis" and I realized there was a friggin' International Pun Contest, 10 beautiful ones!

My cool factor has just fallen by 10 notches...but they are so funny! hahahaha *snort* hahaha....

kellykelly, 2/05/2005 11:51:00 am | link | 2 comments |

Friday, February 04, 2005

Baby Steps...Politics in Singapore

Well...at least there's some kind of discourse going round...

Karen here has a good write-up and links as to what happened. I don't know what to say. Except that I think what happened and his reply was none too impressive to me. Perhaps like a good parent should, he should let go, step back and let his child grow up.
kellykelly, 2/04/2005 08:46:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Thursday, February 03, 2005


Talking Cock's got a great new logo:

kellykelly, 2/03/2005 10:31:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

White Master

Random sorting of old photos led me to this one on Pat's refrigerator (he put the ones on the left, and I on the right) back in SF back in 2003...taken about 6 weeks after we met, our first trip together down to Santa Barbara...damn, we worked fast. Has it been almost 2 years already???

kellykelly, 2/03/2005 10:15:00 pm | link | 0 comments |


A rambly, undefined post created to suit the topic: fluff.

American Idol is probably the only show I currently genuinely enjoy watching on TV. I think the producers are brilliant. Great concept and so well-edited. They call the fakers out and strip the idiots bare, while knowing how to give praise when deserved (well, most of the time anyway). The only problem is that all their past winners, whom I loved to watch and listen to (well...except that Kelly Clarkson chick...she's pretty annoying), end up sadly boring with their manufactured sounds stuffed into them after they win. Oh well, such is the world of pop.

Speaking of pop, you know which pop song I really really like? Ok, disclaimer: I'm embarrassingly super sua-ku about the world of pop these days cos I don't listen to radio ever, neither do I have magazine subsciptions, nor do I watch TV (hardly)...but I think *blush* Jamelia's 'Superstar' is such a great pop song. I think I first became aware of that song while shopping in Chinatown, KL...some store was blasting it, and it sounded familiar. It's got such a great melody. I assume that the radio stations have already played it to the death...I just realized that it's even on the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy soundtrack...so it must be pretty old...gasp!...released September 2003???? Ok, now -that's- embarrassing. I'm -so- out of touch! You don't understand...I used to be so in the know with the modern world of popular culture when I was the major Michael Jackson fan...all those hours watching MTV with bated breath, buying all the Top of the Pops mags and the like, watching all the entertainment channels, ready to jump on any silly celebrity that would dare slam MJ....sigh...I was in the know.

Well, I really can't stand listening to the radio these days anyway. I stopped listening to radio when I started listening and dancing to house music. Berkeley/San Francisco surprisingly had horrible radio stations too...and the ones in Singapore...*laugh*...don't get me started. I don't see the point of tolerating them, given the great stuff you can stream/download online. Another good thing about -not- listening to the radio or being oblivious to the world of pop...they can't kill the songs you like. There was this thread on the Zouk forum about how Iio's 'Rapture' got pop-ularized so much that she couldn't bear to listen to it anymore. I was in blissful oblivion to it being played to death.

I have anything but an eclectic taste in music...what I like is usually confined to a genre (be it MJ in my teens, or house music currently). I'm less likely to scout for new genres of music to love (like Michelle and her fellow 'music geekery' links do) than to boringly stick to stuff tried and tested, or rely on DJs to spin me some great finds of theirs. As I siphon the good books to recommend to Patrick to read/not read, he is a great mate in sourcing great music online for me. Point being, I'm a lazy music lover...I can love the music brought to me with a passion, but not willing to go out to seek it.

Ok I just bought Superstar for 99c online (Kor, I used your credit card number hor? *blush*...it was already there and they don't accept my Singapore credit card) and it's really nice...I just remembered how much I love good ol' fashioned pop-tarts. There's nothing like a great simple catchy melody.

Oh, and Pat and I might have something other than Zouk to do this weekend! Gasp! Well, umm...we are still planning to listen to DJ Gregory on Friday night...but Saturday night might be an interesting different night. We'll see.

I don't know what it is,
That makes me feel like this,
I don't know who you are,
But you must be some kind of superstar,
Coz you got all eyes on you no matter where you are,
(you just make me wanna play)

God damn! I like this song! It makes kellykelly happy. I wanna hear a good house remix of this! And then I'll see ya on the dancefloor...
kellykelly, 2/03/2005 08:45:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Nerd Wannabe

I am nerdier than 24% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

"Not nerdy, but definitely not hip"

I scored way lower than my low-rank nerd brother.

kellykelly, 2/02/2005 02:08:00 pm | link | 0 comments |

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Currently Listening To: Louis Vega Live @ Club Echoes

"Housssse music....I said, can you feeeeel it...moving throughhh ya....oh people....ohh yeahh....we call this the gospel of house yeah....and the music-ah...moves your soul....put your hands together.....the movin'-ah and shakin'-ah"

*kellykelly claps hands and bounces around the house*
kellykelly, 2/01/2005 08:31:00 pm | link | 1 comments |

16 Neologisms For The New Month

Can you believe it's already February 2005???

Every once in a while, someone sends me those fwd: emails that I actually like. I can't even say which ones are my favorite...I like 'em all!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

01. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

02. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

03. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

04. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

05. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

06. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

07. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

08. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

09. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

kellykelly, 2/01/2005 10:34:00 am | link | 2 comments |